Talking About Sex With Your Kids

I believe many kids seek a mature and adult-like relationship because they lack some form of support, connection, and or attention. Having sex has very real consequences both physically and emotionally. The emotions that come from having sex can be heavy and overwhelming for someone too young; they can be even for someone older who has sexual experience. Confusion often sets in on them, their priorities shift, and their lives become muddled.

You’ll notice that their attention shifts from themselves, their lives, from their dreams and aspirations to their relationship. You’ll see them rob themselves of the simple joys of just being and experiencing all the activities that encompass adolescence; an important aspect of their childhood. Sex often carries with it feelings of intense vulnerability, insecurity, an indescribable hollowed emptiness, and a severe lack of focus on anything outside of their relationship.

I believe that there is a long and extensive list of potential reasons why kids engage in sexual activity at a young age and I certainly will not be able to cover all of them in this article but I will go over a few.

When kids see sex as a knuckle-bumping, high-five worthy experience their focus shifts just as quickly as their bodies do during puberty. They may see these behaviors from people close to them within the home, a relative, on television, from a friend or a family member of a friend. You will never know everything your kid is exposed to or by whom. This kind of mentality teaches them that sex is cool, and once experienced it will make them even cooler. It makes a joke and a mockery out of the sexual experience, one that is not funny at any age and is certainly no way to begin their sexual experience.

We all remember being adolescents and wanting to be with our friends, hanging out, playing outside and just being a kid. This is fine… I’m not finding fault with that. But if you’re noticing that your kid would always rather be with his girlfriend, friends, or at work rather than in your home with their family you may have a situation brewing that’s worth examining.

Many kids seek out their friends/boyfriends over their family because they feel a greater acceptance of who and how they are from their peer groups and therefore they feel more relaxed around them. They may feel their peers/girlfriend have a greater respect for their thoughts, words, and actions than their family does. Their friends never yell at or demean their already fragile self-esteem so there’s an immediate comfort with their friends or boyfriend if there is a lot of yelling in their household. Rather you agree with these statements or not, if this is their perspective… then this is their experience.

Kids are always thinking… all of the time. You may think they’re fine, you’ve got good kids, you think they’d come to you, they’d tell you if they were engaging in or even thinking about having sex, but this isn’t always the case. Did you go to your parents before you started having sex? Did you let your parents know that you were thinking about having sex? If you were like the majority of adolescent and teenagers I’m guessing that you did not. It may have been embarrassing for you to bring up such a topic. Maybe you were afraid you’d get in trouble, or maybe you thought they’d keep you from your girlfriend or other friends. Chances are better than not your kid has the same fears, concerns, and apprehensions.

It is not their job to bring up the difficult subjects… it’s yours… and it’s expected of you. And as hard as the subject matter may be, as awkward and or uncomfortable as you might feel you simply need to suck it up, and get the conversation rolling.

Every child that’s in my life hears a series of questions from me almost every time I see them. The questions are:

* You drinking?
* You smoking?
* You doing any drugs?
* You got a boyfriend?
* A girlfriend?
* Your friends drinking, smoking, doing any drugs?
* Your friends have boyfriends/girlfriends?

I started when the kids were young, around 2-3 years old. They would answer “no” to each question all the while thinking I was silly as they laughed and giggled. But over the years the answers changed. For some their friends were experimenting with cigarette smoking at 9, another had a friend who was offered a sucker at school with ecstasy (allegedly) on it at 10, other kids were drinking and some parents were buying it at 13-14 years old.

I ask so that I can get use to “asking the questions I want the answers to” and so the questions are not an uncomfortable surprise for them. I want to know if they’re doing any of these things, if their friends are, what they think of it, are they interested in trying it, why? Depending on their answers I can easily add more specific questions.

It doesn’t matter when or how you start the conversations it only matters that you start. Ever hear, “better late than never?” That applies here as well!

Many kids, especially young girls, who for whatever reason are without a father figure in their life may seek the love, attention, affection, and approval they lack from not having that parental relationship in a physical relationship.

Kids that feel unaccepted and generally unhappy with themselves may seek acceptance from a group you don’t feel fits the personality of the kid you know. Often time this group is older, more mature, and at a place in their lives when they’re ready for certain things in a relationship (and otherwise) at 16-17-18 than say your 11-13 year old simply is not.

If self esteem is an over shadowing issue I suggest letting them know that you understand there’s a natural desire to explore their bodies and experience the pleasurable experience of sex but affirm to them that they are extremely valuable. I suggest elaborating on this in a way that is applicable specifically towards the child in your life. For example, mention specific examples of their kind nature, their generous spirit, or the creative way they do something.

Point out the things they may think no one else notices about them. For example, share with them how adorable it is that her teddy bears are a collection of only the squishiest and the softest bears. Make him aware of how cute it is that he has to stir his ice cream before he eats it or how funny it is that he waits until everyone else is finished with their treat before he’ll eat his in front of them… knowing they all want more.

Let them know that you would like all of their sexual experiences to not only be experienced at a time in their life when they can handle the emotional repercussions of a sexual experience but that you would like it to be with someone who truly knows them, who respects the individual that they are, and who is considerate of them.

Sex is an intensely emotional experience that can bring about feelings of extreme vulnerability. You may notice that these feelings can distract your child from goals they may have had prior to their sexual experience. If you see college aspirations, day-dreams of profession sports, and international travel being replaced with financial worries, and how to support a family, you’ve likely got a kid that’s becoming heavy involved in a very adult-like relationship.

My other suggestion is to help them see their life in a different way. For example, if they use to dream of sports you could begin to tell them how you picture them in the uniform of their favorite team, playing for their favorite college, or that you always love watching him during his games. If their college aspirations are being replaced with other thoughts then start taking them for campus tours, and meeting with every department that might catch their interest. Introduce them to the study abroad programs and all the places they can choose to take their life experience. These things help them to visualize the potential and possibilities their life holds.

I believe that life is meant to be experienced; that you are here to continuously discover new aspects of your self and live your life to the fullest extent of your desires and abilities. Life may be hindered and your experiences hampered if you rush past the years or bring about the many responsibilities and potential obligations of a premature sexual relationship before you have had a chance to experience and develop your self outside of your adolescence and teenage self.

It’s NEVER too late to start talking with your kids about sex. Your conversations may not be met with gratitude at first and that’s okay; if the roles were reversed you’d probably be giving a similar… less than welcome response. They’re nervous, uncomfortable, and embarrassed.

They may be afraid of disappointing you. Rather you see it or not most kids have a great desire to please their parents and will keep their less than flattering behaviors out of sight to avoid hurting you. One of the key aspects of your job is to educate them with everything you know. This kind of protective education lets them know the potential repercussions of their actions. These are not one time conversations… they are ongoing.

Rather they have started having sex or not they still deserve to be educated and sex still needs to be an ongoing topic of conversation. You don’t need to know all the intimate details if they are having sex. But by continuing to make it a topic of conversation they’ll know they haven’t been outcast and ostracized and that they have your support, your input, and your guidance.

Sex Offenders Groom Their Victims

Acquaintance Sex Offenders often ‘groom’ their victims prior to any sexual abuse for a period of weeks, months or even years. When the parent(s) is physically or emotionally absent it makes the child the most vulnerable to a sex offenders cunning tactics.

Grooming activities include, but are not restricted to the following.

o Befriending and gaining trust with the parent(s)–especially single women. The sex offender offers to watch the child so the single mother or parents can have a ‘free’ night out; or provide fun activities–taking the child away from the home. During these activities the sex offender deepens the grooming activities–touching the child in ways that are seemingly inocuous… yet sexual in nature. Such as hugging often, touching her buttocks, putting his hand on her leg, kissing her on the cheek and exculating to kissing her on the mouth. At any stage of the grooming process if she protests he apologizes to quiet her discomfort. He knows he will gain acceptance again, if the protest is weak or she readily accepts the apology.

The sex offender is keenly aware that the child needs to be controlled to the extent he/she can sexually abuse the child without fear of disclosure. This manipulation may be obtained in many ways: favors, threats, guilt, shame, ‘This is our secret,’ ‘If you tell anyone, they won’t believe you,’ ‘You can’t tell, I will lose my job, ‘You know you wanted to do this too. You could have stopped any time.’ Thus, making the child equally responsible for the sexual activity.

Other ways Sex Offenders gain access to children:

o Securing jobs and participating in community events that involve children. Then, befriending those who the most vulnerable.

o Volunteering to coach children’s sports, thus, having opportunities to befriend the parents and then groom the child.

o Attending sporting events for children, thus, learning which parents are absent during the game. Offering to give the child a ride home.

o Volunteering in youth organizations, volunteering to chaperone overnight trips.

o Frequently being in places children socialize – playgrounds, malls, game arcades, etc. Befriending the child, who projects loneliness, offering to buy them treats or small items of interest.

o Engaging in Internet gaming and social web sites, learning the online interests and lingo of tweens and teens. Befriending those who seem to be seeking attention, love and affection.

o Being foster parents. It is foolhardy to assume someone, who is married with children would be less likely to be a sex offender. Sex offenders might only sexually abuse other’s children and not their own. Thus, sex offenders will become a foster parent to have ready access to children. If the foster child is returned to his/her parent(s), or an adoptive family, another child will soon need foster parents.

Grooming can be done in the presence of others, often without the other person recognizing the intent of the behavior.

A mother revealed her husband played a tickling game with their three-year-old son. The rule of the game was to play with Daddy and have fun-the son was instructed to tickle his father’s nipples while sitting in a straddled position over his father’s nude body from the waist up. The object of this game was, ‘Make daddy laugh.’ Of course, the father could withhold laughing until he experienced the sexual stimulation he desired. When the mother objected to this game, the father admonished her for being jealous of his time with their son.

Another mother was horrified when her three-year old daughter asked her to play the ‘pee-pee’ game. She asked her daughter to explain this game. Her daughter lay on her back on the floor; legs spread and said, “Touch my ‘pee-pee,’ Mommy, that is what Daddy does.”

Fathers frequently cuddle in bed with their daughters in a spoon position, arm across their mid-body with only underware or pajamas on. Several clients have reported feeling their father’s penis against their legs or back, while not knowing what to do-as they wanted their father’s affection-they didn’t like the feeling of his genitals against their body. This cuddling seems harmless, most mothers reason. The women also reported sexual abuse occurred sometime later. Was the cuddling in bed a form of grooming or was the cuddling an ill advised way to show affection with the child that unwittingly led to subsequent sexual abuse? In either belief; the damage is done.

In a study of twenty adult sex offenders conducted by Jon Cote, Steven Wolf and Tim Smith; two of the key questions asked were:

1. “Was there something about the child’s behavior which attracted you to the child?”

o “The warm and friendly child or the vulnerable child. Friendly, showed me their panties.”

o “The way the child would look at me, trustingly.”

o “The child who was teasing me, smiling at me, asking me to do favors.”

o “Someone who had been a victim before [sexual abuse or spankings], quiet, withdrawn, compliant. Someone, who had not been, a victim would be more non-accepting of the sexual language or stepping over the boundaries of modesty. Quieter, easier to manipulate, less likely to object or put up a fight… goes along with things.”

2. “After you had identified a potential victim, what did you do to engage the child into sexual contact?” The responses included:

o “I didn’t say anything. It was at night, and she was in bed asleep.”

o “Talking, spending time with them, being around them at bedtime, being around them in my underwear, sitting down on the bed with them. Constantly evaluating the child’s reaction… A lot of touching, hugging, kissing, snuggling.” [Desensitizing the child with appropriate behavior.]

o “Playing, talking, giving special attention, trying to get the child to initiate contact with me… Get the child to feel safe to talk with me. From here I would initiate different kinds of contact, such as touching the child’s back, head… Testing the child to see how much she would take before she would pull away.”

o “Isolate them from other people. Once alone, I would make a game of it (red light, green light with touching up their leg until they said stop). Making it fun.”

o “Most of the time I would start by giving them a rub down. When I got them aroused, I would take the chance and place my hand on their penis to masturbate them. If they would not object, I would take this to mean it was okay… I would isolate them. I might spend the night with them. Physical isolation, closeness, contact are more important than verbal seduction.”

Many of my clients have reported their sexual abuse grooming started when they showered with a parent-or the parent/caretaker washed the child’s genital area with bare hands and soap long past the stage a child needed assistance to cleanse their genital area. While for some this activity was the extent of the covert sexual contact, but for others it evolved into overt sexual abuse. Even though the activity was only ‘rubbing’ the genital area ostensibly for bathing purposes, many people suffered classic aftereffects of sexual abuse.

How? You might ask, would the child experience sexual abuse by having their genital area washed with bare hands and soap? The answer is simple. At birth, children are complete neurological sexual beings, who can experience erotic sensation, although they are sexually immature and without an active sex drive. Furthermore, the child experiences the adult’s physiology, which has sexual overtones, thus although the child doesn’t have a name for the experience the child knows his/her body is responding in a unfamiliar manner and the experience with the adults is unfamiliar. Within the definition of sexual abuse it is abuse, “If a child cannot refuse, or who believes she or he cannot refuse she/he has been violated.”

Grooming or sexual abuse activities also include:

o Playing pool tag-when the child is tagged ‘Playfully’ pulling the child’s swimsuit down.

o Pulling her panties down without her permission.

o Male holding a child on his lap while he has an erection.

o Kissing the child in a way that is sexual for the giver and inappropriate for the child.

o Seemingly innocuous touching, caressing, wrestling, tickling or playing, which has sexual overtones or meaning for the other person.

o Adult treats the child as an equal/peer, pseudo or surrogate spouse.

o Teacher/coach or activity leader befriends a child in the guise of helping him/her with studies and/or sports.

Unique and less frequently reported grooming activities:

o Male demonstrates and instructs the child how to suck on a peeled banana without breaking or putting teeth marks on it. Once the child has complied and masters the skill; this activity is shifted to his penis-often using the con-“I have a big banana between my legs, you can suck on it.”

o Male initiates a game of ‘sucking the jelly’ out of my big toe. Once the child has complied and understands the ‘game.’ This activity is shifted to his penis.

o Invading a child’s privacy, such as entering the bathroom or bedroom without knocking, catching her/him unaware or indisposed. This invasion is a power play-disempowering their victim-indoctrinating the child to comply with the adult’s authority and control in all situations and circumstances.

o Enemas or frequent inspection of the child’s genitals ostensibly for health reasons.

In the thirty plus years I have worked with sexual abuse survivors in the healing process, I have discovered a child is rarely subjected to only one type of sexual abuse. Furthermore, I have learned the sad truth about the human mind’s ability to seemingly conceive of endless ways to sexually abuse children.


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Buy Herbal Sex Medicine For Male!

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Herbal medicines to save sex life:

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Sex medicine helps in combating sex issues:

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Sex Addiction Stereotypes

Sex addiction is a widely misunderstood disease. As a result there are many stereotypes associated with the addiction. If any progress is to be made in raising public awareness about sexual addiction, it is important to understand those stereotypes and debunk them as much as possible. Most people genuinely don’t understand how someone can be addicted to sex. Many people do not have a healthy understanding of sex due to lack of education and sex used as a marketing tool. Because every healthy adult has a strong desire for sex, many people just assume that sex addiction is an excuse for reckless sexual activity.

Stereotype 1 – Only men are sex addicts.
While this is a commonly held stereotype, it simply is not true. Although there may be fewer women in treatment for sex addiction, women can be and are sex addicts. Robert Weiss, director of the Sexual Recovery Institute in Los Angeles, states that up to 12 percent of people who seek out help at the Institute are women. However, Weiss believes that many more women suffer in silence out of fear to come forward.

He suggests that “women may not address their problems with sexual addiction because media stories indicate it is a male problem, showing men engaging in behaviors like affairs, obsessive sexting and online pornography. Additionally, women may be more likely than men to respond to stress or negative emotions with addictive behaviors such as overeating, spending too much or abusing drugs or alcohol – but few research studies have explored the connection between women and sexual addiction.”

Therefore it is clear that this stereotype is false and may actually cause some women to stay hidden with their addiction. It is easy to understand how a woman who is suffering from addiction would be reluctant to come forward when she believes that it is abnormal for a woman to be suffering from a stereotypically male addiction.

Stereotype 2 – Sex addiction isn’t a real addiction.
There are plenty of people who think that sexual addiction isn’t a legitimate addiction. Often this stereotype exists because people find it hard to believe that someone can be addicted to sex and sexual activity. Instead, they believe that these people are just lacking in morals or in the ability to control their desires. However, the medical profession is making progress in defining and outlining the symptoms of this poorly understood addiction.

It is important for people to understand that sex addiction is very similar to drug or alcohol addiction. While it is less understood by the general public, the symptoms are very similar. In fact, many sexual addiction recovery programs have adapted their 12 step program from the one used in Alcoholics Anonymous.

Stereotype 3 – Sex addicts love sex and sexual activities.
Healthy adults naturally love sex and sexual activities. It is just part of the natural order of things. A common stereotype about sex addicts is that they love sex more than normal healthy people do. The opposite is actually true. Those struggling with sex addiction actually do not enjoy sex that much and they do it out of a compulsion. They don’t love it and in many cases they have a strong desire to stop the sexual activities that are driving their addiction.

People with an addiction cannot stop their behavior, even when faced with severe consequences. It is important for the public to go beyond their understanding of sex as a pleasurable activity and look at it as something that sex addicts need to continue doing to fuel their addiction. The addicts often feel a strong sense of guilt, shame and embarrassment for their actions. They are not proud of what they are doing and often go to great lengths to hide their addiction until they reach the breaking point and seek out help.

Stereotype 4 – Sexual addiction is just an excuse for inappropriate behavior.
This stereotype is often reinforced by stories that people hear. For example, say a husband has had multiple affairs, lost his job and left his family to face a devastating break-up and financial ruin. The claim is that he is a sex addict. Others who are looking at the situation tend to believe that he is just using that as an excuse for his actions. It is a common assumption and honestly one that is understandable from the viewpoint of an outsider.

However, this person has likely gone through a severe inner struggle with his addiction and come to a point where he is seeking help. While his life may be in ruins, if he seeks help he can take the first steps towards a lifelong recovery process. Some men may try to use sex addiction as an excuse for affairs, but a genuine sex addiction is real and is certainly not just an excuse for inappropriate behavior.

Things To Know About Fad Diets

eople who have undergone weight loss in the past very well know what it takes to lose those extra flabs on the body; a long term commitment. Still the fact looms that savvy dieters occasionally get tempted by the swift weight loss promised by fad diets. Some people tend to get over the negatives associated with most fad diets as each new �lose weight quickly’ ploy comes along, possibly due to the lack of knowledge about the food items that carry nutritional value and those that don’t. Today, people easily get attracted towards fad diets as many don’t get the proper guidance on staple diet and due to inadequate information through proper channel. Given ahead are some basic but important points that each one must consider before getting towards fad diets.

Beware About Magical and Passing Claims

It’s typically a human nature to be attracted to fad diets, which promise quick and easy results. There isn’t any standard definition of a fad diet. Following are some of the points that indicate a weight loss plan is an ineffective fad diet.

The diet claims to be a swift weight losing diet at quite an unrealistic pace The claims sound too good to be true
The diet’s suggestions seem extreme as well
Statements made about the diet are disproved by reputable scientific organizations
These fad diet involves crash dieting or very intense reductions in eating and drinking

Popularity of Fad Diets

One question that still looms over is why do fad diets become the craze? Several factors typically lead to their popularity. They are:

�Quick weight loss claims: In this age of everything instant, it’s natural for anyone to fall for a weight loss plan that promises swift weight loss in Mumbai in only weeks instead of months
�Endorsements by Celebrity: Some celebrities endorse for such fad diets without really knowing the truth
�Mentality of �Elimination’: The idea that cutting out some foods will lead in quick weight loss plays into popular beliefs about dieting. Several of these diets promote elimination of one or multiple food groups for a set number of days or in very particular combinations with some sort of trick. Many people aren’t ready for dieting the natural way and thus willingly accept this type of weight loss plan, at least for a brief period.
�Sheer Pressure: If friends and relatives are following a fad diet, then it’s tempting to join in.

Question Related to Fad Diets

The most vital question about any weight loss plan is not whether it’s effective, but whether it’s safe and healthy for you. Several fad diets do work for a short period of time, generally causing you to drop pounds due to probably unhealthy calorie reduction or water weight loss. However, while you enjoy the benefits of this new swift weight loss plan, you also need to consider its overall nutritional content. The sad part is, several fad diets do not meet the nutritional requirements of most people and set an individual up for failure. When the diet fails, the dieters could blame themselves and develop a feeling of demoralization and hopelessness. This can make it harder to make the healthy changes required for long term weight loss.

Fad diets can often be confusing and can mislead individuals who look for quick weight loss. So, it’s best to follow recommendations by reputable organizations or nutrition experts who can guide you through a healthy weight loss.